Saturday, May 25, 2013

The Nightmare Continues

Cary Grant....why ? Why the hell would there be a statue of Cary Grant in Bristol ? That was just one of many quiz answers that I did not get as Team Jezebel slumped to a fairly mediocre 7th place in Team Nightmare's quiz. Due to having a geographically challenged team members, work commitments and one on a sleep over at the cousins, I was alas the only true Team Jezebel member. We did however have the Mowlam Mob, 4 Nightmares and a mobile brothel keeper (sorry Marc) and a large number of well wishers.
My performance in the raffle was likewise a bit mediocre. A fivers worth of tickets yielded a rugby ball. The same rugby ball that I had added to the prizes in the first place. It has passed on, in true rugby ball fashion, to Sue to be used in another raffle elsewhere.
So, Team Nightmare. It's not the name they chose, it is something I have awarded them as time has progressed. The team, originally mooted by Phil Dennis has changed a little since his first suggestion. In the summer of 2011 (yes, nearly 2 years ago ) when I first formed the idea and spread the word about the Windy 500, Phil was there, planning and scheming, pulling together a team of recently retired or soon to be retired Police officers and staff. It was a big team of 7, with a waiting list to get on to it, it seemed. Fondly dubbed 'The Old Gits' with the 'baby' of the team, Charlie (a mere late 30's). I had set a deadline for those who had expressed interest to actually sign up of 31st October. Strangely, the entry of the Old Git's team wasn't there and continued not being there for several months. Phil was having some recruitment problems. Members unable or unwilling to commit, unwilling to pay up their share of the entry fee, members trying to sort out if they could get leave or where they would be working by then. Charlie quit due to the uncertainty, others dropped by the wayside. The all-male team took on a more feminine look (not to mention a reduction in average age) with Holly joining. Soon after, her husband Mark also came on board, together with James (still not sure how he'll cope for 3 weeks without his swivel chair and being out after dark). Angie and Cat joined, Angie left. Emma joined, Emma left. Speccy Dave briefly flirted with the team, but hey, that's what Speccy Dave does.
So, by now, the only original 'Old Git' left was Phil. With the younger troops coercing Phil to greater (alright, any) levels of exertion, the team finally, after 15 months of trying, got their entry fee together and at least made a stab at the documentation. Vicky came back from a years travelling around Asia and immediately decided that she needed a holiday and joined the team. So, 6 on board now. No longer 'Old Gits' and the team that has, by far, been my biggest nightmare.
Despite much talk of acquiring ex-MOD minibuses and several months of drooling over a Dorset Police CCTV van, these ideas fell by the wayside and the team finally found 'LaDiVa' on Ebay. She is a white Sherpa LDV minibus. She now has a number of seats removed for Phil's planned cooking area and storage and is awaiting graphics (no hurry Nightmares, we still have 20 days to sort it out....) .
And so, the final (I doubt that very much) twist to the Nightmare story. Phil, the founder, the (puppet) leader, the team chef and only Old Git left, has had to pull out and won't be coming. It leaves a (big) space on their van. We'll miss you Phil. A man with a tall story for every occasion. Perhaps not the most dynamic of leaders, but without him, the team wouldn't be there in the first place (and I'd have a lot less grey hair).
Hiding place for illicit booze

The Spaghetti Explosion
So, you ask, what progress on Jezebel in the last week ? Well, following the trip to Teignmouth last weekend, she now has a cupboard (full of junk), where before she had a large pile of junk. She has fuses and a fuse box in amongst the spaghetti explosion. The sink tap makes a whirring noise and produces a steady stream of air (I'll connect the water soon). We have a cushion fixed in place to make an extra seat in the back. She is running smoothly, albeit still needs the alternator sorting out. One of many small issues I'll need to take care of when I get the chance.
This week has also seen MOT certificates being awarded to both Milly and Olly (congratulations all round) and smugness from Team 12 as the mobile brothel doesn't need one until after we get back. The Swedes of Team 42 look set to join us somewhere on route, (their website says so), but they'll need some sort of a vehicle. Milly has front seats, Amba the ambulance has many, many sponsors, a solid oak table, an internal hammock but a minor electrical problem with the stereo. The Mobster has a futon bed and they are looking for space to fit a leisure battery. Team Chameleon are making their own number plates (all fully legal apparently) and Team 25 should hopefully be showing off a sporty new exterior soon (come on Ralph, get it done and get some photos up !).
20 days to go....

Saturday, May 18, 2013

The Outside Broadcast


There is a subtle difference to today's blog. You may not be able to see it but I'm not in my usual blogging location of the settee. I am reporting live from Jezebel and we are camping. We haven't gone far, I'll admit, but when you have views like this just down the road, why should we ?

Sea Barn Farm, overlooking Chesil Beach and Portland. It's a 2 mile road trip so we did it in one go without changing drivers. The beer fridge worked brilliantly, but I wouldn't recommend the bloody awful charcoal they sell on site though. Took ages to get the BBQ going properly. 
After the last few weeks of progress on Jezebel, I've not had time to make do anything else on the old girl this week. That should change this weekend though as I'm taking her West to Teignmouth for the fitting of the cupboard doors. 

Other teams however do seem to be progressing. Amba, the wagon of Team Trauma is gradually losing its emergency service vehicle markings in favour of various company sponsorship signs. Strangely, this is likely to be what is going to happen to police cars in Dorset soon too. Mark showed me around and ran through a list of exciting acquisitions he had picked up. An oak table for example. You could feel the sense of achievement in his voice as he showed off his handy work. 

It seems ambulances are ideal vehicles to set up home in. Not one, but three batteries ! Enough to power the Blackpool Illuminations all season. They also have a diesel heater to keep vagrants warm or whoever else needs thawing. 

As I walked around the corner, there was a black Lexus with number 41 on each front door. Excellent. Swannie has finally made his choice. 

And now, only last night, news on Team 25. Ralph has been talking about what he was going to take and had been keen on an Escort cabriolet. It seems however he has gone for a 4x4 of some sort. Great news for those of us foreseeing the need to be towed. 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Weymouth Bedouin

A Weymouth Bedouin
Back in 2001 I happened to find myself lost (well, more temporarily misplaced ) in Tangiers. It's not a big town, but the twisty, turny side streets of the Medina had me wandering aimlessly, trying to find my way out. A kind Bedouin stranger took pity on me and showed me the way home. Well, when I say home, it was more like his brothers carpet shop, where they both kindly plied me with cups of tea and showed me the entire contents of the store.

Dodgy paintwork, not much carpet.
In 2006 I was back in Morocco. This time it was Ait Benhaddou (of Gladiator fame). Strangely once more I found myself dragged in to a carpet shop, being plied with the sweet mint tea and being shown mountains of authentic Bedouin carpets. I really should learn to avoid these situations. I really do have little interest in being shown traditional Bedouin carpets. In fact, after the last few weeks, I have gone right off carpets of any sort.

My fingers are covered in glue, so are my clothes. I have fluff stuck to the glue and I have managed to cut myself a few times and caught my finger in some pliers.
On the bright side though, I now no longer need to measure,cut, stick, mould, smooth or trim pieces of carpet on the inside of Jezebel. I am all carpeted out. I'm pleased with the finished result though. Unlike the Bedouin carpets, Jezebel's carpet is all one colour. Well, it is at the moment, but I'm sure after a few trips with Lucas this won't be the case any more. I'm just enjoying it whilst it still looks good. It's not perfect. I wouldn't say that carpet laying comes naturally to me, but it is certainly a vast improvement on what it was before.

More lights than the Starship Enterprise
Another huge improvement is that I can now admire my carpeting around the clock. I no longer rely on natural daylight, as we have lights. None of those poor quality, battery operated things either. Proper LED strips of lighting. Possibly too many strips of lighting to be honest, but again, I'm pleased with the results. It's been a productive week. I just want to get out there using the lights and admiring the carpeting in a pleasant, rural location now.

So, to the other teams. Doris, of Team Red 5 fame, has completed 350 miles apparently and has been decorated. I approve.
Alas, Team 39, Chris and Tom, have pulled out due to excessive rust. Their camper needed hundreds of pounds worth of welding, making it impossible for them to afford the trip. A real shame when so close to the off.
Team Nightmare and Ladiva are finally mobile. Having spent a fair while searching for insurance, when they finally got some they found that the minibus was blocked in by other vehicles and couldn't be moved over the bank holiday weekend. Cleaning and servicing is now being organised whilst they consider their options on graphics. No hurry guys, only 36 days to go...
Team 31, Don and John have announced the arrival of a Citroen C5. They had previously announce the arrival of a Chrysler and apparently they aren't entirely convinced that the Citroen is the car for them. Watch this space...
Teams 25 and 41 are still to announce for certain which vehicles they will be taking. Probably a Ford Escort cabriolet and a BMW estate or a Lexus, but I'm sure we'll find out soon.
Finally, the Swedes. They were late on the scene but are still hoping to join us for the first night away and stick around until our final night on the continent. The last I heard they had a team of 3 or 4 and were sizing up cars.
36 days folks. Plenty of time to carpet your vehicle interior. Just don't ask me to help you.







Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Team Bonding

And so, to Oxford. 120 miles each way and less than a year ago, I would have given Jezebel just about no chance of getting there without breaking down. How times have changed though...
In rusty red...
As she was.

Since a year ago, we now have flooring and carpetting, so the roar has become just a gentle whisper (well almost). The stereo is working too. When we stopped, the occasional noise of the fridge (yes, a working beer fridge !) kicking in. Storage units, a sink (nearly functioning tap...), lights (temporary, but proper electric lighting coming soon), leisure battery and sun visors. All fitted and functioning. Oh, what progress. Behind the scenes too, no stirring of the gear stick to find a gear, any gear.
The clutch is as smooth as a baby's bottom. The engine doesn't cut out at low revs. The brakes don't need pumping when they get warm.
And today...

Don't get me wrong, there is still plenty that can be done to improve Jezebel and any camping experience. Gas needs connecting, the water pump needs connecting, the awning rail needs attaching and there are a few rusty patches requiring my attention, but hey, what a transformation. She is a pleasure to drive on the whole.
The camp site in Oxford is a little odd. Well, not so much the camp site, more our fellow campers. A number of tiny, one person tents in close vicinity to where we pitched up, mainly containing older, bearded chaps with seemingly their entire possessions stuffed inside their tents. I can only assume that Oxford has a better class of vagrant than other places. Not so much winos but Pimmos or single-malt-whiskios I guess.
Wino

Milly arrived soon after us as we tested our first sensuous, cool beer from the beer fridge, glistening with dew  (did I mention that the beer fridge is working ?). Milly has a bit of garnish now. Not before time. She has some skylines of famous European cities down each side. It is, I must say, an improvement. They said it was more tasteful than Jezebels decor. I disagree.
Oxford Winos

The Randalph Hotel in Oxford is a classy looking joint. However, they sell real ale in the ballroom, which I thoroughly approve of. Lucas soon took over the dance floor, throwing himself around like a solo wrestling match.The third Windy team showed up, dressed up to the nines. Well, it was their wedding, so it was only to be expected. Aaron, the best man, song writer and guitar player had penned a couple of songs for the occasion, including the Windy song. Great stuff. I'm told it will be recorded and released in some sort of format soon. The band, Candy Apple Blue, were cracking. Mainly 60's stuff, but they had the crowd up and dancing. Jim and I noticed that the band seemed to contain footballers. Robbie Earl lead singing, Ryan Giggs on guitar, John Hartson on keyboard, Dion Dublin on bass and Joey Barton on drums. That might have just been the real ale though.

On the journey home, I kept her at a steady 55mph as much as possible. It's amazing how that can effect fuel efficiency. Improved from about 18 mpg around town to nearer 25 mpg I believe. That will save a bit on the Windy. Still room for improvement though.

And so, on to other team news. Team Trauma are frantically trying to get the yellow and green battenburg pattern off the side of their wagon. It's going to take some cleaning. 401,000 miles on the clock and currently in the process of being re-registered from an ambulance to a camper van. Ahhh, I remember the wranglings I had with the dear DVLA a few years back trying to convince them that my red 9 tonne double decker was really a minibus. They gave in eventually. The Traumas need to lose some weight it seems. If they can get the weight of the vehicle below 3.5 tonnes, then Ben can drive it without C1 on his driving licence. Ditching a lot of the ambulance equipment should help.

Team Milly have once more got water problems. Well, on closer inspection, it might be electrical. She was overheating again on her way home.

Team Red 5 should have Doris in her full livery this week. I'm awaiting photos. She is apparently a bit vocal, but Martin is out driving her daily.

Team 46 are reporting that Trigger has fully functioning toilet facilities. No more details are currently available and no, I don't have photos. I'll assume it looks like this though...