To Absent Friends

Whilst looking forward to Friday and an end to this seemingly unending planning, I thought I should just spare a moment of thought for those who nearly, but didn't quite, make the starting line. There have been a few, quite a few, who would have been great, or amusing, additions to the event.
To John Mallace and his collection of ancient motorbikes. Team Black Rat would have given us a different angle on the event. Outriders as we entered new towns and cities. But, alas it isn't to be this time.
To Russ and Liam. Two plus sized chaps who dreamed of squeezing together inside a Hona Acty van. I think, if they had managed to get in a Honda Acty, it would have taken a lot of us, with a large can opener, to get them out again.
To Chris and Gareth. They graced several of the early Windy 500 events, putting a fair bit of money behind the bar and in the charity coffers, even had a Mercedes Vito van bought and ready to go. Alas though it wasn't to be.
To Lee and Paul. The Doli Wallies. They rushed out and bought the Mustard Bomber, a vomit coloured Triumph Dolomite with white walled tyres, in need of some serious welding. Lives change, Lee became a parent, the Mustard Bomber moved on to find another owner with a sense of humour and a large wallet.
To the Motley Crew, Marie and Trevor. They had found a very bad car, a Daewoo Nexia . It turned out to be too bad for the Windy 500 and hence they won't be joining us at the starting line.
To Chris and Tom with their Bedford van. Having to pull out with barely 6 weeks to go due to excessive rust.
To Oz from the Kings Arms. Plenty of enthusiasm, plenty of generosity but alas work got in the way of the trip.
To Garry and his team. They still have the Mondeo I believe but lack of work prevented them coming.
To Big Phil. The Chief Nightmare himself. So sad that he won't be joining us, after all he put me through over the last 2 years or so.
So many people from all walks of life and there are so many more I could mention too. All will be finding alternative ways to amuse themselves over the next month. All will be missed.

Sudan. Not Tesco's. 

But, there is one other that I feel I should mention who should be there on the starting line. From my original bus crew I have Jo, Eileen the Negotiator and Evil Kev. Two others have jumped ship to set up on their own. The one other crew member I dearly wanted to be there was Bill Morris. Not only is he one of the nicest blokes you'll ever meet, easy going, hard working and sociable, he's also a bloody good mechanic. Saved our skins on countless occasions on the Dongola Highway in Sudan, on the Metema Road in Ethiopia, Wadi Halfa and Tesco's in Dorchester. Bill, you'll be sorely missed, and not just for your mechanical skills.

The Wobbly Awning

Life goes on I guess. I'm still working on Jezebel, with some assistance from Jim. The cupboard looks better with a shelf and a locking door. The roof now has a strut rather than a tool kit jammed in the hinge. I've been busy with velcro, gaffer tape and superglue. We have a functioning awning, albeit the poles are a bit wobbly. I may have to work on that.
We took in one final camping trip before the off. Sea Barn Farm, 2 miles down the road, but just what I needed (and others by the sound of it) a day of chilling out with a few drinks and some good food before the final push to the start line (God, that's a poor choice of phrase ).
Team Nightmare, as predicted, are leaving it until the last minute to get everything ready. They are still talking about graphics. Likewise Ralph and his Team Wessex Properties. Olly of Team Newlywed fame has some new stuff, but it's a secret apparently. Team LOTUS have managed a test drive to Coventry and they have survived and returned. Trigger is looking to become a media star with the Dorset Echo and Radio Solent are sniffing around for another volunteer for a live interview.
So, 4 days until the leaving do. 4 days of hard work, planning, sorting and packing. I want to get going now.

Great Expectations

It's strange how ideas pan out. My original idea back in 2007 was to complete the Mongol Rally, all 10,000 miles of it, in a Reliant Robin. That idea gradually morphed in to a trip by double decker bus to Ethiopia. In the same way, I'm pretty certain that back in 2010, as I sat waiting for an interview with a bank manager, thumbing through pictures of tuk tuks, maps of the Middle East and shipping information from India that I had no idea that the tuk tuk rally would morph quite as much as it did. I wonder what I would have done with the five brand spanking new tuk tuks I would have bought with the money the bank were strangely prepared to lend me. The fools. I must have been convincing I guess, but now, I'm not sure I'd get many takers for a road trip by tuk tuk from Egypt to England via Syria.
Anyway, we aren't going to Syria. I'm prepared to give this information out to those eager team members waiting to find out where we are going. Syria is a very nice country, the people are amazingly friendly, there are sights aplenty, but....it's not in Europe, so we aren't going.
The levels of excitement are increasing. So they should I guess with just 8 days to go. I've been packing (yes, packing ! Already !) I'm usually the sort who will throw a pair of pants and a toothbrush in a bag with two hours to go before my flight, but I've been trying to work out what we really need (barbeque, pickled eggs, sleeping bag, single malt whisky) and what we can do without (chair for the mother in law, glasses, shreddies). I think it's going fairly well so far.
I've been in contact with a few of the teams as they make their final preparations. Team Milly have now remembered to pack a working engine. Good idea. I also popped in to see Team Chameleon as they were applying graphics to the Proton. Richard and Mark are a father and son team. They were the first team to sign up, the first team to buy their vehicle, but strangely one of the last to get their graphics on (not THE last, eh, Ralph or the Nightmares ?). I won't spoil the surprise, but she is looking pretty classy. I was impressed. Definitely impressed in a different way to how I was when first seeing the 'pink monstrosity' of Team 12 or the graphics of the Mobster.
Mark is looking forward to the trip of a lifetime with his Dad. He knows there will be good times, tough times, pleasurable bits and sometimes hard work, but he is firmly expecting it to be an amazing experience.
Now this is where it gets nerve wracking from my perspective. People having great expectations. This isn't a week long package tour to Benidorm, this could well be (and hopefully will be) an experience that most will remember (fondly I hope) for the rest of their lives. We have a couple on their honeymoon, who should quite reasonably expect this trip to be the best holiday of their lives.
But, and this is the best part, it's not really me that's making this experience what it is. It's the teams themselves. I must admit, I've been blown away by the effort that many have been putting in to their vehicles. So many people originally thought of what was going to be the most sensible, reliable car to take, to make it around in one piece. But look what we have ended up with....an elderly Morris Minor, a rebuilt Lotus (not exactly famed for their reliability), ancient camper vans, a fibre glass limousine, an ambulance with over 400,000 miles on the clock and a sturdy oak table inside. Illuminated spice racks.  Lunatics, the lot of you.
I'm looking forward to next Friday for a number of reasons. Firstly, I'm off work for a month. Secondly, I can't wait to see the vehicles in their finished states. Thirdly, I want to get on the open road. But mainly because, by Friday, if it hasn't been sorted it'll be too late to worry about it. Three years in the planning and we'll be off to see the continent.
See you at the start line boys and girls and don't forget your passports.

A Rustic Getaway

Cool but not very grown up.

We have blue lights and not the kind I am used to on vehicles. These are far more stylish. With some assistance from Lucas and despite a cut to my finger that meant I had to spend a lot of time wiping blood off my wiring and off the paintwork, together we managed to get some under vehicle lighting attached and functioning under the van. Now, if I do find myself having to examine the exhaust pipe in the dead of night I shall be able to without using up torch batteries.
Jo gave it a disparaging look. I'm sure she will see the practical advantages when I send her under the van to fix things.
I think it's fair to say I've done all of the major jobs on the van. I'm just adding those finishing touches that make all the difference. I'd never stoop to illuminated spice rack level, but I may be adding one or two additions which aren't strictly vital.
Less than 2 weeks to go and my list of things to do, ranging from absolutely vital to barely worthwhile is rapidly diminishing. It's a good feeling. So unlike the bus trip where it felt like mad panic for the last month or two. I'm busy but finding some time to make use of Jezebel. Strictly in the name of testing of course.
We used our membership of the Caravan and Camping Club this week. It's a membership with the same level of 'coolness' as the Women's Institute or a Morris Dancing troop. I won't be buying the t-shirt, but the discounts are good and it gets you in to a lot of sites that are strictly members only.

"Oi'm aaafter a tenner if yowz a member"

The site we found near Rodden said it was members only. A chap on a tractor with a curly mop of hair and more accent than language charged me a tenner. Considerably cheaper than Sea Barn Farm with it's manicured lawns and wonderful sea views. We could see why it was cheaper. There was a toilet block and as much knee high grass as you could eat. Peak camping season, Spring half-term week, and we were the only campers.

With a sharp knife, we finally levered off the giant limpet.

 It seems that Rodden hasn't quite caught up with modern technology. Whilst Sea Barn Farm offers WiFi, Rodden has no mobile phone signal. You need to wander a mile up the road to the technology hotspot called Langton Herring. They have a phone box and everything.
Food and drink just taste so much nicer when you are camping. Filling the van with barbeque smoke just doesn't matter. We only do it for the kids....

And so, how are the other teams faring ? On the whole it seems fairly well. The Mobile Brothel had a major water pump problem but have fixed their major water pump problem with a Vauxhall Vectra water pump and some assistance from the Mowlem Mob to beat the pump in to the right shape and size. Good inter team bonding there. Team Like a Sweed are the proud owners of a Peugeot. Anna has even broken the news to her mother on Facebook that she was off to see Europe in 2 weeks time. The Mowlam Mob have been 'parking in a tent' according to Lucas. You can see where he is coming from. Team L.O.T.U.S are white ! She is also road legal with an MOT apparently. LaDiVa has been for her service and graphics are due soon.
The unfortunate blot though on the progress of the teams is poor old Milly. Having survived a run to Switzerland and coped with the Alps, she has now been diagnosed with a serious cylinder head problem. Big cracks between the valves which had been causing her to overheat badly. A new head has been ordered and is on it's way though, so Cinderella will hopefully still make it to the ball on Friday 14th.

The Nightmare Continues

Cary Grant....why ? Why the hell would there be a statue of Cary Grant in Bristol ? That was just one of many quiz answers that I did not get as Team Jezebel slumped to a fairly mediocre 7th place in Team Nightmare's quiz. Due to having a geographically challenged team members, work commitments and one on a sleep over at the cousins, I was alas the only true Team Jezebel member. We did however have the Mowlam Mob, 4 Nightmares and a mobile brothel keeper (sorry Marc) and a large number of well wishers.
My performance in the raffle was likewise a bit mediocre. A fivers worth of tickets yielded a rugby ball. The same rugby ball that I had added to the prizes in the first place. It has passed on, in true rugby ball fashion, to Sue to be used in another raffle elsewhere.
So, Team Nightmare. It's not the name they chose, it is something I have awarded them as time has progressed. The team, originally mooted by Phil Dennis has changed a little since his first suggestion. In the summer of 2011 (yes, nearly 2 years ago ) when I first formed the idea and spread the word about the Windy 500, Phil was there, planning and scheming, pulling together a team of recently retired or soon to be retired Police officers and staff. It was a big team of 7, with a waiting list to get on to it, it seemed. Fondly dubbed 'The Old Gits' with the 'baby' of the team, Charlie (a mere late 30's). I had set a deadline for those who had expressed interest to actually sign up of 31st October. Strangely, the entry of the Old Git's team wasn't there and continued not being there for several months. Phil was having some recruitment problems. Members unable or unwilling to commit, unwilling to pay up their share of the entry fee, members trying to sort out if they could get leave or where they would be working by then. Charlie quit due to the uncertainty, others dropped by the wayside. The all-male team took on a more feminine look (not to mention a reduction in average age) with Holly joining. Soon after, her husband Mark also came on board, together with James (still not sure how he'll cope for 3 weeks without his swivel chair and being out after dark). Angie and Cat joined, Angie left. Emma joined, Emma left. Speccy Dave briefly flirted with the team, but hey, that's what Speccy Dave does.
So, by now, the only original 'Old Git' left was Phil. With the younger troops coercing Phil to greater (alright, any) levels of exertion, the team finally, after 15 months of trying, got their entry fee together and at least made a stab at the documentation. Vicky came back from a years travelling around Asia and immediately decided that she needed a holiday and joined the team. So, 6 on board now. No longer 'Old Gits' and the team that has, by far, been my biggest nightmare.
Despite much talk of acquiring ex-MOD minibuses and several months of drooling over a Dorset Police CCTV van, these ideas fell by the wayside and the team finally found 'LaDiVa' on Ebay. She is a white Sherpa LDV minibus. She now has a number of seats removed for Phil's planned cooking area and storage and is awaiting graphics (no hurry Nightmares, we still have 20 days to sort it out....) .
And so, the final (I doubt that very much) twist to the Nightmare story. Phil, the founder, the (puppet) leader, the team chef and only Old Git left, has had to pull out and won't be coming. It leaves a (big) space on their van. We'll miss you Phil. A man with a tall story for every occasion. Perhaps not the most dynamic of leaders, but without him, the team wouldn't be there in the first place (and I'd have a lot less grey hair).

Hiding place for illicit booze

The Spaghetti Explosion

So, you ask, what progress on Jezebel in the last week ? Well, following the trip to Teignmouth last weekend, she now has a cupboard (full of junk), where before she had a large pile of junk. She has fuses and a fuse box in amongst the spaghetti explosion. The sink tap makes a whirring noise and produces a steady stream of air (I'll connect the water soon). We have a cushion fixed in place to make an extra seat in the back. She is running smoothly, albeit still needs the alternator sorting out. One of many small issues I'll need to take care of when I get the chance.
This week has also seen MOT certificates being awarded to both Milly and Olly (congratulations all round) and smugness from Team 12 as the mobile brothel doesn't need one until after we get back. The Swedes of Team 42 look set to join us somewhere on route, (their website says so), but they'll need some sort of a vehicle. Milly has front seats, Amba the ambulance has many, many sponsors, a solid oak table, an internal hammock but a minor electrical problem with the stereo. The Mobster has a futon bed and they are looking for space to fit a leisure battery. Team Chameleon are making their own number plates (all fully legal apparently) and Team 25 should hopefully be showing off a sporty new exterior soon (come on Ralph, get it done and get some photos up !).
20 days to go....

The Outside Broadcast

There is a subtle difference to today's blog. You may not be able to see it but I'm not in my usual blogging location of the settee. I am reporting live from Jezebel and we are camping. We haven't gone far, I'll admit, but when you have views like this just down the road, why should we ?

Sea Barn Farm, overlooking Chesil Beach and Portland. It's a 2 mile road trip so we did it in one go without changing drivers. The beer fridge worked brilliantly, but I wouldn't recommend the bloody awful charcoal they sell on site though. Took ages to get the BBQ going properly. 

After the last few weeks of progress on Jezebel, I've not had time to make do anything else on the old girl this week. That should change this weekend though as I'm taking her West to Teignmouth for the fitting of the cupboard doors. 

Other teams however do seem to be progressing. Amba, the wagon of Team Trauma is gradually losing its emergency service vehicle markings in favour of various company sponsorship signs. Strangely, this is likely to be what is going to happen to police cars in Dorset soon too. Mark showed me around and ran through a list of exciting acquisitions he had picked up. An oak table for example. You could feel the sense of achievement in his voice as he showed off his handy work. 

It seems ambulances are ideal vehicles to set up home in. Not one, but three batteries ! Enough to power the Blackpool Illuminations all season. They also have a diesel heater to keep vagrants warm or whoever else needs thawing. 

As I walked around the corner, there was a black Lexus with number 41 on each front door. Excellent. Swannie has finally made his choice. 

And now, only last night, news on Team 25. Ralph has been talking about what he was going to take and had been keen on an Escort cabriolet. It seems however he has gone for a 4x4 of some sort. Great news for those of us foreseeing the need to be towed. 

The Weymouth Bedouin

A Weymouth Bedouin

Back in 2001 I happened to find myself lost (well, more temporarily misplaced ) in Tangiers. It's not a big town, but the twisty, turny side streets of the Medina had me wandering aimlessly, trying to find my way out. A kind Bedouin stranger took pity on me and showed me the way home. Well, when I say home, it was more like his brothers carpet shop, where they both kindly plied me with cups of tea and showed me the entire contents of the store.

Dodgy paintwork, not much carpet.

In 2006 I was back in Morocco. This time it was Ait Benhaddou (of Gladiator fame). Strangely once more I found myself dragged in to a carpet shop, being plied with the sweet mint tea and being shown mountains of authentic Bedouin carpets. I really should learn to avoid these situations. I really do have little interest in being shown traditional Bedouin carpets. In fact, after the last few weeks, I have gone right off carpets of any sort.

My fingers are covered in glue, so are my clothes. I have fluff stuck to the glue and I have managed to cut myself a few times and caught my finger in some pliers.

On the bright side though, I now no longer need to measure,cut, stick, mould, smooth or trim pieces of carpet on the inside of Jezebel. I am all carpeted out. I'm pleased with the finished result though. Unlike the Bedouin carpets, Jezebel's carpet is all one colour. Well, it is at the moment, but I'm sure after a few trips with Lucas this won't be the case any more. I'm just enjoying it whilst it still looks good. It's not perfect. I wouldn't say that carpet laying comes naturally to me, but it is certainly a vast improvement on what it was before.

More lights than the Starship Enterprise

Another huge improvement is that I can now admire my carpeting around the clock. I no longer rely on natural daylight, as we have lights. None of those poor quality, battery operated things either. Proper LED strips of lighting. Possibly too many strips of lighting to be honest, but again, I'm pleased with the results. It's been a productive week. I just want to get out there using the lights and admiring the carpeting in a pleasant, rural location now.

So, to the other teams. Doris, of Team Red 5 fame, has completed 350 miles apparently and has been decorated. I approve.
Alas, Team 39, Chris and Tom, have pulled out due to excessive rust. Their camper needed hundreds of pounds worth of welding, making it impossible for them to afford the trip. A real shame when so close to the off.
Team Nightmare and Ladiva are finally mobile. Having spent a fair while searching for insurance, when they finally got some they found that the minibus was blocked in by other vehicles and couldn't be moved over the bank holiday weekend. Cleaning and servicing is now being organised whilst they consider their options on graphics. No hurry guys, only 36 days to go...
Team 31, Don and John have announced the arrival of a Citroen C5. They had previously announce the arrival of a Chrysler and apparently they aren't entirely convinced that the Citroen is the car for them. Watch this space...
Teams 25 and 41 are still to announce for certain which vehicles they will be taking. Probably a Ford Escort cabriolet and a BMW estate or a Lexus, but I'm sure we'll find out soon.
Finally, the Swedes. They were late on the scene but are still hoping to join us for the first night away and stick around until our final night on the continent. The last I heard they had a team of 3 or 4 and were sizing up cars.
36 days folks. Plenty of time to carpet your vehicle interior. Just don't ask me to help you.

Team Bonding

And so, to Oxford. 120 miles each way and less than a year ago, I would have given Jezebel just about no chance of getting there without breaking down. How times have changed though...

In rusty red...

As she was.

Since a year ago, we now have flooring and carpetting, so the roar has become just a gentle whisper (well almost). The stereo is working too. When we stopped, the occasional noise of the fridge (yes, a working beer fridge !) kicking in. Storage units, a sink (nearly functioning tap...), lights (temporary, but proper electric lighting coming soon), leisure battery and sun visors. All fitted and functioning. Oh, what progress. Behind the scenes too, no stirring of the gear stick to find a gear, any gear.

The clutch is as smooth as a baby's bottom. The engine doesn't cut out at low revs. The brakes don't need pumping when they get warm.

And today...

Don't get me wrong, there is still plenty that can be done to improve Jezebel and any camping experience. Gas needs connecting, the water pump needs connecting, the awning rail needs attaching and there are a few rusty patches requiring my attention, but hey, what a transformation. She is a pleasure to drive on the whole.

The camp site in Oxford is a little odd. Well, not so much the camp site, more our fellow campers. A number of tiny, one person tents in close vicinity to where we pitched up, mainly containing older, bearded chaps with seemingly their entire possessions stuffed inside their tents. I can only assume that Oxford has a better class of vagrant than other places. Not so much winos but Pimmos or single-malt-whiskios I guess.

Wino

Milly arrived soon after us as we tested our first sensuous, cool beer from the beer fridge, glistening with dew  (did I mention that the beer fridge is working ?). Milly has a bit of garnish now. Not before time. She has some skylines of famous European cities down each side. It is, I must say, an improvement. They said it was more tasteful than Jezebels decor. I disagree.

Oxford Winos

The Randalph Hotel in Oxford is a classy looking joint. However, they sell real ale in the ballroom, which I thoroughly approve of. Lucas soon took over the dance floor, throwing himself around like a solo wrestling match.The third Windy team showed up, dressed up to the nines. Well, it was their wedding, so it was only to be expected. Aaron, the best man, song writer and guitar player had penned a couple of songs for the occasion, including the Windy song. Great stuff. I'm told it will be recorded and released in some sort of format soon. The band, Candy Apple Blue, were cracking. Mainly 60's stuff, but they had the crowd up and dancing. Jim and I noticed that the band seemed to contain footballers. Robbie Earl lead singing, Ryan Giggs on guitar, John Hartson on keyboard, Dion Dublin on bass and Joey Barton on drums. That might have just been the real ale though.

On the journey home, I kept her at a steady 55mph as much as possible. It's amazing how that can effect fuel efficiency. Improved from about 18 mpg around town to nearer 25 mpg I believe. That will save a bit on the Windy. Still room for improvement though.

And so, on to other team news. Team Trauma are frantically trying to get the yellow and green battenburg pattern off the side of their wagon. It's going to take some cleaning. 401,000 miles on the clock and currently in the process of being re-registered from an ambulance to a camper van. Ahhh, I remember the wranglings I had with the dear DVLA a few years back trying to convince them that my red 9 tonne double decker was really a minibus. They gave in eventually. The Traumas need to lose some weight it seems. If they can get the weight of the vehicle below 3.5 tonnes, then Ben can drive it without C1 on his driving licence. Ditching a lot of the ambulance equipment should help.

Team Milly have once more got water problems. Well, on closer inspection, it might be electrical. She was overheating again on her way home.

Team Red 5 should have Doris in her full livery this week. I'm awaiting photos. She is apparently a bit vocal, but Martin is out driving her daily.

Team 46 are reporting that Trigger has fully functioning toilet facilities. No more details are currently available and no, I don't have photos. I'll assume it looks like this though...