The Well Oiled Machine

For a team with no vehicle yet, they look like they may well leave a lot of us standing. This is a well oiled machine. Team Trauma. With monthly meetings, a financial and technical guru, meetings with minutes and notes, ideas abounding of how to raise funds and a high profile headquarters with it's own restaurant (well, ok, it is a restaurant, a curry house), I was beginning to wonder if they were planning a road trip or to conquer the continent. All seems to be going smoothly with Team Trauma, apart from one small point. The vehicle has not yet shown up. They are working on it though...
Team 'Lots of Trouble Usually Serious' are also progressing well. A visit to the garage at an opportune moment found 4 excited overgrown boys dropping a large engine in to a small hole in the front of a Lotus. Amazingly it seemed to fit. John rattled through a long list of work they had completed on the car. Still some way to go, but at least it does look like a car now rather than a Meccano set.
Team Newlywed have been following in my footsteps, making an appearance in the media. The Banbury Guardian no less. An appearance in the next Celebrity Big Brother must surely follow.
On the media front, I managed to keep one step ahead of the Newlyweds with a local radio appearance (do you appear on radio ?). Anyway, my interview by Wessex FM lasted a good 30 seconds or so.

This weeks award for amusing graphics must surely go to the Mowlem Mob. Excellent work there and they should certainly stand out in a crowd. I think their example may be encouraging a few other teams to look in to vinyl wraps and decals.
My team is gradually taking shape. It consists of 5 so far but could go as high as 7. Not all will be on board at the same time though. We shall start with 4, go down to 2, briefly I shall be left on my own but then shall gradually pick up waifs and strays as we venture around the continent.
Jezebel is also transforming gradually. With some major assistance from Jim, we now have wooden units and a cooker installed. With the assistance of Lucy, the rapidly disintegrating carpet on the inside of the roof was stripped out and replaced and that awful spray on glue was splattered liberally over clothing. Jezebel is certainly looking better inside, but there is still a long way to go until she is ready for the off.
Now, on to the less good news. We have lost a few teams this week. Work, lack of funds, lack of team mates and serious medical issues have taken their toll. Teams 1, 9, 34 and 40 have confirmed that they won't be making the trip. Teams 15 and 17 are rated doubtful. Teams 2, 20, 28, 32, 37 and 44 are reported as missing and have not provided any update for a long time. I would love to hear some positive news from any of them.

To Boldly Go....

These are the voyages of the Star Ship Jezebel...

It's Life Jim, but not as we know it...

It was always a source of amazement to me, Star Trek. All that technology to propel their star ship across the Galaxy at amazing speeds, tractor beams and di-lithium crystals and yet, despite all of these amazing advances in technology, nobody thought of putting in seat belts. What really used to grab my attention (apart from the short skirts and Captain Kirk's unfailing ability to find English speaking, buxom and attractive women across the Universe) were the amazing screens and panels on the Bridge. So this week my aim has been to go one better than the designers of the USS Enterprise. I already have a number of seat belts fitted in the van and now I have a leisure battery, several lengths of LED lights (thanks Marc), a triple cigarette lighter socket to power up all of my gadgets. I intend to create a van interior to rival the Enterprise.
Saying that though, when planning the double decker bus, I had dreams of a cocktail bar, mood lighting, some aspidistra and maybe a piano in the corner. It ended up as a beer terrace, outside toilet and a malfunctioning fridge that spewed warm beer cans across the floor whenever we went around corners.
So, back to the real world. The tail pipe on Jezebel, that Chris the mechanic warned me was loose, well, it's no longer loose. Or attached to the van. The new one sits on the arm of my settee as we speak. Next to the leisure battery which I know I'm going to stumble over with bare feet before I can be bothered to move it.
I took the stereo out a few days ago and found the inevitable spaghetti explosion behind it. Having refused to work for months, I think the stereo took the hint and feared it was going to end up in the bin. It now works, as long as it is placed precariously on top of the dashboard and not stuffed in to it's slot above the heater. Great. A stereo with a sense of humour. Just what I need.

The venue for the leaving do has had to be changed. After much discussion by Weymouth and Portland Borough Council, the Weymouth Pavilion is to shut at the end of May. The Krankies and Brotherhood of Man will just have to find another town to torment this summer. More upsettingly though, the opportunity to make use of the perfectly sized car park and photo opportunities of a convoy of bizarre vehicles setting off from the Pavilion and proceeding along the sea front of Weymouth will have to be modified. Fear not though, we have an alternative location for the leaving event. None other than the home of English non-league football. The Bob Lucas Stadium. Formerly known as The Wessex Stadium. It's a place that holds many fond memories for me (and many frustrating, wet, cold and depressing memories too, now I think about it.) Meeting Steve Claridge the day after we got married for example. I guess that would be in the fond memories bracket. Weymouth managed a draw after all.

    It does have a very large car park though, which is just what we need. It has a bar and catering facilities and hopefully by the time we need it, an outside stage of some sort. We have the Speedway Snails ready to play for us and who knows, maybe another band or two. We are getting there....
Another major event this week was further progress for Team Nightmare. As regular readers will know, Team 14 have caused me a few issues since entries began. Big Phil originally had plans to take a team of Old Gits, retired or close to retiring blokes on the trip. Alas, people dropped out and were replaced. The average age of the team plummeted and worst of all, women found their way on board. 7 blokes became 3 of each sex. They had (no, they are still having...) problems getting their paperwork sorted out. But, just yesterday I had the exciting news that Team Nightmare are mobile ! They have a minibus. It's plain white at the moment and lacks cooking facilities, but Holly has some exciting plans. I overheard them earlier. " I must learn to make curtains...". Obviously too young to remember Star Trek....

Eccentrics of the World Unite...

Sir George Sitwell was an inventor. He invented such useful gadgets as a minature pistol for shooting wasps out of the air and the musical toothbrush. John 'Mad Jack' Mytton took 2000 bottles of port with him to Cambridge University to aid his studies and once rode a bear in to a dining room. These gentlemen are just two of an unofficial society from through the ages. The Great British Eccentric. There have been, and it seems there still are very many of them about. I know this from organising the Windy 500. In the same way that pouring hot water on to soil makes worms emerge, so leaving Windy 500 leaflets all over place makes eccentrics emerge.
A few decades ago, a young boy called John no doubt had a Meccano set, a Lego set, Matchbox cars and various other 'boys toys'. John, no doubt, like most other young boys would work on a Meccano construction, get distracted, scatter the remaining Meccano pieces then move on to the Lego, scattering that everywhere and so on. I speak from experience, looking at a lounge full of various pieces of a dozen games from my delightful 5 year old.
Fast forward to the present day and John's 'boys toys' haven't really changed that much. Matchbox cars have been swapped for full sized cars but many of his 'constructions' are still in pieces. Work in progress wherever you look and a cheerful grin as he shows you all of the 'toys' he is currently working on. The sort of cheerful grin that has you questioning his sanity and the list of ongoing projects that pretty well confirms your first fears. John has a Lotus with no engine. No gear box. Wheels are detached, big holes in the fibreglass bodywork. John dismisses these piffling matters with a wave of his hand and moves on to show you his other projects. He'll have it on the road in 3 or 4 months. I expect the constructors of Rome had a similar cheerful grin as they looked at the plans and declared they would have it done by nightfall.
John is just one of the amiable eccentrics I seem to have encountered so far. We have a team who want their wedding to go on for ever (well, at least 2 months) so will be dressing appropriately. We have the man who's ideal vehicle is a violent pink colour by choice. A couple who want to tour Europe dressed as gangsters. Others have demonstrated some definite signs of eccentricity just by their choice of perfect Windy vehicle. I mean, who chooses a 50+ year old vehicle where your chances of getting spares are as high as finding Unicorn steaks ?
I thought when I started organising the Windy 500 that it would be a challenge to complete it. Teams would be challenging themselves and pushing themselves to their limits. It now seems that some want to just make it harder for the sake of it. Well done I say.

So, as we pass the '5 months to go' mark, entries are still coming in. John, aiming to spray his Lotus white and don a tuxedo has asked for number 7 (or 007) to complete the theme. We have Team 8 from Hornsea and Team 22 from rural Dorset. Team 41 have announced a car purchase (well, it was a few months back but they were keeping it quiet) of a BMW 520 tourer. Team Nightmare, missing my nagging to get their deposit in are now holding back with their paperwork just to try to get my blood pressure up. I think they are just craving attention.
As for my team, well, I'm getting closer to working out who is going to be on the van and when. Jo is hopefully going to do the first week and the last 4 days. Young Lucas will also be with us for the last 4 days. Number 1 son, if he confirms he isn't going to be missing any exams, may be available for the first 2 weeks or so and the nephew might also be popping in for a bit. This plan however is subject to change on a daily basis it seems. At least my vehicle is showing none of those tell tale signs of eccentricity.

Smooth as a Velvet Codpiece....

Well, that was a new feeling. Something I had never imagined could be so good, so velvety and gentle. So smooth, like mink trousers. With a gentle whisper, like a light breeze through tree branches, we glided away. Amazing. Changing up to second and then third gear was even better. Was this really the pile of rusty crap that I had purchased about a year ago ? What a difference a new clutch makes.

Chris Scard had come up trumps again. Clutch fitted (would you believe I just happened to have a brand new VW T25 clutch assembly set in the lounge?), MOT completed successfully, all for £50 cash. Alright, I had to buy a gallon of petrol as I had only left him enough to get half way across his yard, but still, excellent value and I do owe Chris a big, big favour or two.
The interior is still in need of completing, it's just finding the time, the energy and the step father to complete these things. It is habitable, but needs some finesse. And gas. And work tops. With Weymouth FC on such a great run of results at present, I believe I have persuaded Mrs Spooky to come away with me to Totton next week for the Southern League fixture and a romantic night of winter camping in the New Forest to test the insulation. For the first time ever, I'm confident of the old girl making it (famous last words...). That's the van, not Mrs Spooky.
So, away from Jezebel for a moment. The Dorset Echo published a further article on the Windy 500. A few errors in the detail but on the whole it gave a reasonable impression of what we are up to next summer. It led to some positive responses and a few new teams expressing interest in joining up. Chris and Steve managed to cement their space as Team 23 within about 2 weeks, despite Christmas. Jo, Nigel and Aisha look like they will also be fully signed up and enrolled as Team 22 very soon too.
Team Trauma, our band of merry medics and estate agents hosted a Christmas gathering in Preston and plied me with numerous hot dogs, mulled wine and mince pies before testing my blood pressure. They are still in negotiations over which variety of ambulance they will be taking and where and with whom it will end up at the end of the trip.
The bane of my life for the last 14 months, Team Nightmare as they are now dubbed, finally, finally completed their payment of the deposit to cement their space. Of the 7 original participants, only one, Phil, is left. The 'Jolly boys outing of old gits' has now become an evenly balanced team of relatively younger folk. I fully expect them to still be filling in their paperwork as we head out of Weymouth next June, though I shall be hassling them, as I have done for many, many months. With 5 team members booked in, only today they became 6. Vicky, only just back in the country after a year of travelling the Far East, now fancies a bit of European mystery tour.
On a less positive note, the Pilgrim Bandits are still struggling to organise a team. Alas, the event coincides with a similar event that they are running involving vintage motorbikes and a road trip around Britain. Perhaps we shall persuade them abroad next time around.
Onwards and upwards. 5 months and 10 days to go. Still a bit concerned about whether our leaving party venue may have been flattened by June, but I believe I have a secondary target lined up if necessary. The home of English football no less..... Watch this space.

Portesham, a place of Evil.

Never go to Portesham. It may look like a pleasant little Dorset village with a decent pub and quaint little cottages, however there is something sinister residing there. Something that can suck the life out of camper vans, leaving them unable to function, broken down and unable to move. Well, I can only assume this is what has caused my usually reliable VW camper van to fail twice now within a few hundred metres of the same spot.

The drive of shame. Again.

I was expecting Mike from Marsh Road Garage to be our knight in shining armour, as he has been on the previous two Green Flag recoveries (there is no limit on the number of call outs ! I checked !) but it seems he does sometimes have a day off, so a hairy chap called Mark took Jezebel for her third 'drive of shame' through Chickerell.

The plan had been to get both vans, teams 38 and 6, together at the same time and head out to Hardy's Monument for a Sunday meal. Jezebel and Milly however seem to be like opposing magnetic poles, nigh on impossible to get them together. The last attempt was in the New Forest where Milly arrived 24 hours late due to a breakdown. Now it was Jezebel's turn to play up. We set off from home with at least a pint of fuel sloshing around in the bottom of the tank and some blind optimism that we could get her to Portesham and the fuel station. Alas it seems that the God Fearing folk of Portesham don't require fuel on the Sabbath. Our other issue was the clutch. It had been slipping a bit on the journey out. As we took the hill out of Portesham, trying desperately to break away from the evil grip of that God Forsaken place, Jezebel was unable to make it. The over revving also burnt up the remaining dregs of fuel.

Jim's Chops.

Al Fresco cooking in November.

So, lunch was taken with just the one van. For those of you who don't know the area, Hardy's Monument has amazing views of Chesil beach, Portland and right across to Torbay a good 50 miles away as well as the rolling fields of southern Dorset. Lucy managed to produce a culinary masterpiece from the galley of Milly whilst Jim pan fried some lamb chops.

Jim and his assistant.

Lucas in his cupboard

Sink and units going in.

Jezebel's interior had certainly improved over the weekend. No longer just a van with a folding bed, Jim had been busy installing units, a sink, a hob and grill and the fridge that I had bought a few months back. We now have suitable storage space for 3 weeks worth of unwashed smalls, beer chairs, barbecue and all of the other essentials we shall need of our epic venture next year This, together with the tiled floor that had been installed a few weeks back in Devon (yes, she made it that far !), she is now several steps closer to being complete. If only the bloody clutch worked !

In other news, £242 was raised at Oktoberfest for Pilgrim Bandits. It is looking likely that they will be joining us on the Windy, it's just a question of what form their team or teams take. Their link is http://pilgrimbandits.org/ . Planning a trip involving a number of badly injured military vets is going to take a bit of effort, but I think it will be well worth it.

Since the last blog, we have also gained several interesting vehicles including a 1980 Ford camper van, the team of BMW bikes (the Black Rats) and a London Taxi. All good vehicles, but I think we shall have one of the smartest interiors in the fleet. As I said before though, if only the bloody clutch worked !

7 months, 2 days and counting down.....

A Thief at Dawn

I had caught him red handed. There he was only 5 metres away, in the early morning light and I had spotted him trying to escape with his haul. Guilty. You could tell by the beady look in his eye. He stared back at me with a look of defiance on his face. I quickly felt around me to see what I could lay my hands on, just in case things turned nasty, but nothing came to hand. It was just me and him. I eyed him up again. He had a look of confidence about him that was concerning, but I felt sure that I outweighed him. I opened the door a little further. With an aggressive swish of his fluffy tail, he was off up a tree with the freshly snaffled peanuts.

The New Forest in Hampshire is supposedly a low crime area. That is assuming you only count crimes committed by people. Our nocturnal nut smuggler was our second visitor. The previous evening, another resident, a New Forest pony had tried a smash and grab routine, rooting through the back of the van on the basis that it would take a brave person and several seconds to remove it. Luckily, it was ushered away, empty handed (or is it empty hooved ?)

This was the Windy 500 camping trip at Ashurst camp site. Hardly a strenuous trek to test the machines to their limits. Hampshire is only an hour or so away from Weymouth and nobody had to come that far. Surely nobody would have any problems with such a short little jaunt ?

Team 6 in Milly had other ideas though. Coming up from South Devon means traversing the notorious Telegraph Hill, the graveyard of many vehicles. A phone call from Lucy and Jim informed me that once again, this fearsome hill had taken it's toll on Milly and they were being repatriated to Teignmouth for some urgent repairs.

We arrived later than expected and soon located Robin and Sam of Team 46 with Trigger, their multi-terrain Mitsubishi van. Also there were Adrian and family of Team 37 and later on we were joined by Jeff from Team 32. Team 27, who will be Team Newlywed (seems wrong to call them that before the event) arrived in Olly, their white limousine. Just the sort of vehicle you need to camp in style. A huge boot and (if you aren't transporting the full complement of 8) plenty of room inside.

The weather held out. Alcohol was consumed. Tall tales and hopes and plans for our vehicles were discussed until after dark. Team 6 arrived 24 hours late and impressed everyone with the bedroom, kitchen, lounge of Milly.

The journey home proved problematic. Well, it would have done if anybody had stopped suddenly in front of us. Jezebel's brakes can prove to be a little temperamental. It's a problem with old brake fluid apparently. It picks up air bubbles, making the brakes very spongy. Something that needs addressing before any further trips I think.

She is taking shape inside. Obviously not as fast or as sophisticated as Milly, but the floor is pretty much in place, the insulation is installed throughout and we have a place to sleep when needed. The rest as they say is mere garnish.

International Rescue

I'm on first name terms with the local recovery truck driver. That in itself is a worrying turn of events. He greets me like a regular customer. I guess that is what I have become. I suppose the next step will be having Green Flag on speed dial, recognising the call handlers and asking for Mike to attend once more. I certainly get the feeling that it won't be my last trip in the front of the Marsh Road Garage recovery truck.

It had been a good day up until then. Having been to the tip, I had taken young Lucas for a quick trip to the beach. It was fiercely hot, most unusual for this summer, and we had shorts on, so we went in the sea to cool off. Then, on the way home, I noticed that the gears were getting harder to get in to, having been so smooth since they were fixed last week. We got in to some stationary traffic on Preston Beach Road and whilst the rest of the stationary traffic became slow moving traffic, I was left cursing and sweating as I tried frantically to force the gear stick in to a gear, any gear, to get it going again. It wasn't happening. I'm no great mechanical expert but I could tell a knackered clutch when I felt one.

I tried pushing the beast out of the road. Hordes of gormless morons drove past, staring blankly at me as I tried in vain to get Jezebel out of the way of the traffic which was building up. Still, at least it wasn't whilst the Olympics were in full swing. Finally, a car full of Koreans stopped to help. At least I think they were Koreans. I didn't ask which side of the border they were from. They didn't seem to speak a lot of English but they understood the situation I was in and helped to push Jezebel up on to the pavement. I thanked them in my best Korean. "내 모자는 세 모서리를 가지고있다" . They seemed pleased with the news that my hat has got three corners.

I waited patiently for the arrival of Mike until there was a knock on the drivers window. "Hi, it's Don, Team 31" . And it was. Stood in the traffic, admiring my dubious parking and wondering if there was an issue. I explained the lack of clutch action and that my regular recovery truck driver Mike was coming to sort me out again. Not the greatest place for an impromptu Windy 500 discussion, I guess I should have invited him in, got the burner going and made him a quick cuppa.

The meeting earlier in the week with Team 3, Team Trauma, was much better organised and sociable. Cider, freshly grilled steak and salad lively discussion about ambulances and estate agents. I'm sure many people have dreamed of putting an estate agent in an ambulance, this team are actually going to do it ! Some great ideas from the paramedics on the fundraising front.

So, thanks to Mike, Jezebel is currently sat outside the house and is likely to be there for a little bit. The planned two day trip this weekend has now reverted to good, old fashioned, proper camping, in one of those tents. Just as the Olympics are due to start and I had envisaged having my van and it's advertising on view to the World's media, there she is parked in a cul-de-sac 3 miles from all of the action. Most annoying.
Later, whilst at work, I spotted a man in a lurid pink and purple top. Using my powers of deduction, I approached him and accused him of being Team 49. I was correct. First meeting with Gary as he is snowed under organising the Olympic ambassadors in Weymouth, with their violently coloured shirts. He won't have time to consider getting a vehicle until September and the Games have been and gone. Funnily enough, I had one he could have had, if he didn't mind a few dents where I had been banging my head against the bodywork.